Growing Up

Someone said to me the other day “When are you going to grow up?”  Now I wasn’t sure whether to take this as a compliment or an insult!  Maybe it is because I am about to turn 50 but refuse to let the number of years in my life rule what I do in life!  I was also so stunned that I didn’t ask them what they meant.

I like trying new things!  I don’t tend to do things that are scary or very adventurous and I don’t wake up every morning thinking “Hum, what can I try today?”  I am curious and I question things, I don’t think that is so wrong.

What is “growing up” anyway?  Does that mean that we have to stop enjoying new things in life or are we just supposed to do things of a sedentary nature?

Have you ever noticed, I mean really taken notice of a child at play?  I’m talking about the child who is not sitting in front of a computer or television but actually playing.  They may be playing with others or they may be by themselves, but the joy and the laughter are unmistakeable!  We as adults don’t do that enough.  Children never lose their curiosity but we as adults tend to accept things on face value.

I know we have the world’s responsibilities on our backs, but some of us have forgotten how to laugh and enjoy life.  Happiness and joy must come from within not from external factors that we hope will make us happy.  Nothing should tell us that we can’t keep that child like happiness within our own lives.  Yes we have bills to pay and believe me that is something that I stress over daily.  But I also believe that it is important to have fun in life.

Ursula K. Leguin, an American author said “As great scientists have said and as all children know, it is above all by the imagination that we achieve perception, and compassion, and hope”.

If growing up means I have to stop trying new things in life, or being imaginative, or being curious, then I never want to grow up!  My body may realise that it is close to 50 but my brain still thinks I am much younger!  I will continue to attempt new things, be curious, questioning and to try to have a belly laugh at least once a week!

The Next Challenge

I have just come back from 4 days of racing in very cold, wet and windy Tasmania.  I was competing at the Master’s National Rowing Championships and what a wonderful competition it was!  Most of the members of our club, the Melbourne Rowing Club, were female with only about 5 male members taking part.  We had some tremendous success with the club coming 2^nd overall!  With 17 gold medals, 7 silver medals and 3 bronze medals we certainly came home with a lot of bling!  

 

Victorian State Eight Winners



What was even better was the fact that 7 of us women were part of the Victorian State Eight which raced against the other states and for the first time in a few years Victoria came out on top!

We had to unload, rig, wash and put boats away last night and after we had done that a number of us went for dinner to celebrate the end of the season.  Most of the women are taking a couple of weeks off as it has been a long season.  Even though we are Masters Rowers we also compete in the regular rowing season with rowers much younger than most of us, but then have our own season which starts right after that.  So needless to say most of us are extremely tired!  But as they say “There is no rest for the wicked!”  And when I say that I mean me!



World Cup Road Race

I am now embarking on the next challenge in my life and that is Para-cycling.  The World Para-cycling Championships in Denmark in September beckon.  I feel like I am on the cusp of something extraordinary!  It has reinvigorated something in me.  It has given me something new and exciting to aspire to.  Having a purpose and being involved with the possibility of something bigger than myself, this is what gets me out of bed in the morning with a sense of purpose and meaning…challenging myself!

I feel that I have more mountains to climb and to be honest there are times when I think “What will come next?”  I know that once I have conquered this next challenge there will always be another waiting in the wings.

I believe that it is important to constantly challenge ourselves in life, otherwise it can become very boring and mundane.  I think that with the right attitude and determination you can achieve any challenge you set yourself.  And being successful at that challenge is simply doing the best that you can.  I am meeting this next challenge with confidence.

This doesn’t mean the end of my “Rowing Career”, it is just simply put on hold for the time being.  I have come to love rowing and the friendship of the women that I row with.  That will never be taken away!  Who knows maybe I can get some of them on a bike to come and ride with me!

Determination

I have had a dream and a goal since the age of 10…to compete at an Olympic Games. I was always mesmerized by the athletes as they marched into the stadium behind the flag of their country and wearing the colours of their country.

I had always been involved in sport of some kind and at the age of 11 was doing gymnastics and thought that this was the way to go.  That is until a very uncaring woman at a very prominent gymnastics club told me I would never make it as I was too fat!  My best friend at this ripe old age of 11, Sharon, had been invited to join this exclusive club but I was turned away.  I remember being crushed and the feelings of utter devastation that I couldn’t go with her. 

But then at the grand age of 12 I started competitive swimming.  I had always been a good swimmer and at my first competition I remember winning my first ribbon.  Actually I still have that first ribbon!  So that was when I decided that I was going to swim for Canada at the Olympics.

It's funny how as children we have no inhibitions and don’t believe that there are any walls in our way.  It is just matter of fact… “I am going to swim at the Olympics”…plain and simple.  So for the next 6 years that is what I did, I swam.  There was nothing I wouldn’t do to make sure I was at training.  I was lucky enough to have very supportive parents and whether they believed I would achieve my goal or not, they never said never!

Unfortunately the Olympic Games that I was targeting was the 1980 Moscow Games and due to political upheaval, the USA decided to boycott these games, so Canada followed right along.  Devastation…my dream was gone!

But determination is a funny thing and with the diagnosis of Multiple Sclerosis I wasn’t going to let life pass me by.  I believe it is your life and your choice and that we must all embrace new opportunities and challenges with confidence and self belief.  I honestly believed that I would make it to the London Paralympics as a rower, but the tide has turned (no pun intended!) and it looks like I am aiming at being a cyclist in London.  My first step in this pursuit is the World Para-cycling Championships in Denmark in September.  If I can medal there, I know I will make it to London.

I am sure that there are some people who must think I am absolutely nuts!  But I believe that you should pursue your dreams at full throttle, you can’t worry about what people think.  With determination and the right attitude you can achieve your goals.  Michelangelo once said “The greatest danger for most of us is not that we aim to high and we miss it, but we aim to low and reach it.”

Determination is the result of desire and it doesn’t matter how mundane your goal might seem to others, if it is important to you, then go for it!  Who would have thought back in 1980 that 32 years later that dream would be just about to come true?

Remember, you’re never too old to make dreams come true.  I am living proof of that!

Motivation

The other day I was at Latrobe University speaking with Physiotherapy students.  We were discussing communication between patients and clinicians and how to get patients motivated.  One of them asked me a question…”Why is it that you are so motivated?”

This question got me thinking and I had a really hard look at myself.  At first I didn’t know the answer but the more I thought about it the more I realized that I am motivated by fear.  Yes Fear!

But what is it that I am afraid of?  There are a couple of different things, the fear of not doing something to the best of my ability and the fear of my MS getting worse.

Fear is a primitive emotion and it causes us to obsess over even the littlest things.  I know that no one is perfect, but if I am going to do something then I want to do it to the best of my ability.  I am motivated not by ruthless determination to the tasks I undertake, but by the fear that I will fail at them.

Then of course there is Multiple Sclerosis.  I think that the worst thing about having MS is the unpredictability of the disease.  It creates a world of never-ending uncertainty.  I think that subconsciously I push myself to my limits because of the fear of not being able to do the things that I do, in the future.  I want to be able to accomplish my goals before I’m not able to.  I am not saying that my MS will get worse, no one can tell me that, but it is the fear of the unknown and what can happen.

So is it bad to have fear to keep me motivated?  I really can’t answer that question right now.  Maybe I need to realize that by continuing to strive to my best potential that I am actually overcoming that fear.  I don’t want to believe that all my motivation is driven by fear and maybe I am slowly overcoming this.

Nelson Mandela once said “I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear."

One day maybe I will be able to say that my motivation comes from the conquering of that fear.  But until then I will continue to do what I do because of it.

So what motivates you?

Celebrations

We all celebrate certain days for some reason, whether it be weddings, birthday's, graduations, actually whatever we want to celebrate.  Well tomorrow is a celebration for me, April 23rd, it's the day that I celebrate the date of my diagnosis of Multiple Sclerosis.  Now some of you are probably wondering why I say I celebrate that day and hopefully when you finish reading this blog you will understand.

On the 23rd of April 1998 at 2:15 p.m. I walked into the most uncaring neurologists office you could ever imagine.  He was an older gentleman and obviously was stressed and overworked as he ushered me into the examination room in a gruff and hurried manner.  Now let me put things into perspective, I was there by myself because all my symptoms had disappeared and I assumed that there was nothing wrong with me, so I had told my husband Russ not to come with me.

He ushered me to a chair and said "Come on sit down, sit down", pulled out this huge bit of film from an envelope (my MRI scan), held it to the light and said "Well you have too many leisons on your brain for someone your age, so you have MS".  As I tried to comprehend this statement he continued almost without taking a breath "So basically your life as you know it is over, you will never do sport again, you will have to quit work and go on a whole bunch of drugs and I would suggest you go home and put your affairs in order before you become incapacitated."  He took a small breath and then said "you will have to go back to your own GP because I don't have time for you as a patient, I have enough patients already with MS."  I still had not been able to say anything and at this point said one word "What?"  with a bit of apprehension in my voice.  He continued  with "you heard me you have MS, go see your own doctor."  With this last sentence he stood up, with the film envelope in his hand, walked to the door and opened it.  He then said "hurry up I have other patients waiting".  As I got up from my chair in shock and walked towards him he handed me the envelope and then said "see my secretary on the way out."   As I walked out it was 2:17 p.m., needless to say I wanted to shove that envelope where the sun doesn't shine and I walked straight out the front door, not stopping at his secretary's office.  To this day I do not remember driving home that day and I honestly believe that if I hadn't been brought up the way I was, it could very well have been the end of my life that day.

I am very lucky that I have an extremely caring GP who has been there at every turn for me.  He found me another neurologist and got me information from the MS Society.  I am also lucky that I have a husband who said to me "you don't have it, we have it and we will deal with it."

Life went on pretty much as normal for the next couple of years, but then my introduction to disability began.  With that I had to make some pretty tough decisions about leaving full time employment.  Retrospectively it was probably the best decision I have ever made.  I think that the worst part of this disease to come to terms with is the unpredictability.  It can diminish the quality of life and it creates a world of neverending uncertainty.  But I do believe that life is what we make of it.  It is not a matter of being dealt a good hand but more so the ability to play a poor hand well.

Throughout my life I have been involved in sport and after being told that I would never do sport again I was devastated.  But instead of believing that his would be a reality I figured out how to deal with a life of MS incorporating sport.  I worked out systems and ways to do what I had to do in order to continue with sport. 

 I have even been able to take up new sports and I look at obstacles as stepping stones towards my goals.  One of life's certainties is that nothing ever stays the same.  I believe that the only way to move forward is to change your perspective, see things in a different way.  I honestly believe it is up to the individual person to create a mindset that seeks solutions, that looks for opportunities rather than obstacles.  By doing this I have found excitement and hope instead of fear for the future.

If I had the chance to go back and change history, I wouldn't.  MS may have taken things away from me, but it has also given me a lot that I would have never experienced and those experiences have made me the person I am today.

Having MS has taught me some valuable lessons:
1. Nothing is impossible if you dare to face your fears and believe in yourself.
2. To love the journey and not the destination, because today is the only day you are guaranteed.
3. To live life as if it is a terminal illness, because if you do you will live it with the passion that it ought to be lived.
4. To see every difficulty as a challenge, a stepping stone and never be defeated by anything or anyone.

You know that first neurologist was so wrong on all counts except one...My life is over as I knew it...but not in a bad way.  Yes I deal with the symptoms of MS every day but I believe that great days are those that you make that way and the greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do!

This is why tomorrow I will raise a glass to my MS, celebrate and thank it for giving me the life I have.

Change

I subscribe to a website called Simple Truths and a couple of days ago I received an email called "One Choice".  The first line hit me like a ton of bricks, it was " Think about this for a moment...one choice, just one, can change your life forever."   Boy how true is that statement!!!

Life can be funny, for the last 5 years I have been training my butt off rowing.  My ultimate goal, London Paralympics 2012.  It had been Beijing in 2008 but unfortunately our crew missed out on a spot by about 0.8 seconds.  I initially thought that dream was over but decided to take it one year at a time.  As I got better at my chosen sport and made it to World Championship level in 2009 where our crew came 6th, I realized that my dream just might possibly come true.  Just to represent my country at that level would be amazing.  As a child I dreamed of representing Canada at the Olympics as a swimmer, but this dream also didn't come true, not for lack of trying but because of politics.  So I have continued to push my body to do things that I never thought I could accomplish and I have had some amazing people to help me along the way. 

Unfortunately during the past year and a half there have been a number of things that have stood in my way and even though I believe that we can still get a crew together to get there, there are certain people who do not!  So in January I purchased a racing Trike and started using it as cross training to get to rowing.  Little did I know that this "One Choice" would be a turning point in my sporting career!

Every April in Australia, rowing selection trials are held for the World Championships and once again the rowers who had nominated in my category were denied the chance to attend.  So I decided to compete in the Australian Para-cycling Championships on the Sunshine Coast in Queensland.  I entered the Time Trial and the Road Race.  But yes...I am the only classified female Trike rider in Australia!  This was no deterent to me as Cycling Australia had speed times listed on their website in order to qualify for the Australian Team.  So I set my goals to not only make this speed but smash it!  Which is what I was able to do.

The Time Trial is something you do on your own against the clock but in the Road Race I at least had the male Trike rider to race against and what a race it was!  At the start Stephen, the other rider, took off and I thought that I would be left for dead.  Lucky for me I am a competitive person because I was able to catch up to him and the fact that my Trike is 22 kg's and his was 14 kg's I was able to absolutely blow by him on the downhills!  He kept catching me on the uphill and the race was on.  We had to complete two laps and this leap frogging continued throughout the entire race.  On the last lap, at the last corner, he took off and it was at that time that I thought he had been holding out on me!  But again as I saw the 1km to go mark I decided that the race was not over and I managed to catch him.  The last 400m was a sprint to the finish and in the end I was able to get him by a wheel, in fact 1 second!

Even though I was the only female I was still awarded with medals to celebrate my success.

The best thing is that I was able to smash the qualifying speed set by Cycling Australia and the sweetest email I received on Monday was that I had been named to the Australian Team for the Para-cycling World Cup in Sydney in May!

So that "One Choice" to purchase that Trike and take part in the racing has probably changed my life!  That goal of getting to London is looking better all the time! 

I still love rowing and will continue with that pursuit as well.  I am giving myself two chances because I will not let my dream die!

So what changes to you want to make in your life?  Remember that you are always "One Choice" away from changing your life!

Courage

With everything that has been happening in the world I thought I would write about "Courage".

In the past 6 months, this part of the world has endured fires, floods, cyclones, earthquakes, Tsunami's and radiation scares.  I am sure that a lot of us are wondering when it all might end?  

Australians who have been affected by cyclones and floods have that "Can do" attitude.  They have all helped one another by "mucking in", cleaning up and getting on with rebuilding their lives.To me this shows courage, people who have lost everything, helping and thinking of others before themselves.

The people of Christchurch in New Zealand have not only endured one earthquake but two devastating quakes.  The second one in February demolished part of a beautiful city and took almost 200 lives.  But the tough courageous Kiwi's have vowed to rebuild!

In Japan I watched in horror, through live television, as a Tsunami smashed into coastal towns.  Never had I ever seen water move so fast and wipe out everything in its path.  Not only do the Japanese people have to deal with the after effects of the Tsunami but also the rubble of the earthquake and now dealing with the radiation from the damaged nuclear reactors.  With over 27,000 people missing or dead, the Japanese peole are stoic and courageous beyond belief.

I heard a quote once that stated "Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyse you, they are supposed to help you discover who you are."  Well I don't know about you but these tragedies would have paralysed me!  I guess most of us will never know what we are capable of doing during a crisis until the crisis hits us.

I for one am truly amazed at the courage shown by everone who have been through these terrible situations.  Even more so the courageous men and women who work in the rescue service, who have gone to these devastated areas to help not only resuce, but to also look for and identify the dead.  Toughest job in the world!

The word Courage is defined in the dictionary as "the quality of mind that enables one to encounter difficulties and danger with firmness or without fear: bravery"

Personally I don't think there is any definition worthy of all these courageous people.  I believe they are tougher than courage and other words that spring to mind such as bravery, guts, pluck and valour still don't do them justice either.

So to all those out there who are living, surviving and rebuilding their lives I salute you!  My thoughts, prayers, respect and admiration are with you.