Celebrations

We all celebrate certain days for some reason, whether it be weddings, birthday's, graduations, actually whatever we want to celebrate.  Well tomorrow is a celebration for me, April 23rd, it's the day that I celebrate the date of my diagnosis of Multiple Sclerosis.  Now some of you are probably wondering why I say I celebrate that day and hopefully when you finish reading this blog you will understand.

On the 23rd of April 1998 at 2:15 p.m. I walked into the most uncaring neurologists office you could ever imagine.  He was an older gentleman and obviously was stressed and overworked as he ushered me into the examination room in a gruff and hurried manner.  Now let me put things into perspective, I was there by myself because all my symptoms had disappeared and I assumed that there was nothing wrong with me, so I had told my husband Russ not to come with me.

He ushered me to a chair and said "Come on sit down, sit down", pulled out this huge bit of film from an envelope (my MRI scan), held it to the light and said "Well you have too many leisons on your brain for someone your age, so you have MS".  As I tried to comprehend this statement he continued almost without taking a breath "So basically your life as you know it is over, you will never do sport again, you will have to quit work and go on a whole bunch of drugs and I would suggest you go home and put your affairs in order before you become incapacitated."  He took a small breath and then said "you will have to go back to your own GP because I don't have time for you as a patient, I have enough patients already with MS."  I still had not been able to say anything and at this point said one word "What?"  with a bit of apprehension in my voice.  He continued  with "you heard me you have MS, go see your own doctor."  With this last sentence he stood up, with the film envelope in his hand, walked to the door and opened it.  He then said "hurry up I have other patients waiting".  As I got up from my chair in shock and walked towards him he handed me the envelope and then said "see my secretary on the way out."   As I walked out it was 2:17 p.m., needless to say I wanted to shove that envelope where the sun doesn't shine and I walked straight out the front door, not stopping at his secretary's office.  To this day I do not remember driving home that day and I honestly believe that if I hadn't been brought up the way I was, it could very well have been the end of my life that day.

I am very lucky that I have an extremely caring GP who has been there at every turn for me.  He found me another neurologist and got me information from the MS Society.  I am also lucky that I have a husband who said to me "you don't have it, we have it and we will deal with it."

Life went on pretty much as normal for the next couple of years, but then my introduction to disability began.  With that I had to make some pretty tough decisions about leaving full time employment.  Retrospectively it was probably the best decision I have ever made.  I think that the worst part of this disease to come to terms with is the unpredictability.  It can diminish the quality of life and it creates a world of neverending uncertainty.  But I do believe that life is what we make of it.  It is not a matter of being dealt a good hand but more so the ability to play a poor hand well.

Throughout my life I have been involved in sport and after being told that I would never do sport again I was devastated.  But instead of believing that his would be a reality I figured out how to deal with a life of MS incorporating sport.  I worked out systems and ways to do what I had to do in order to continue with sport. 

 I have even been able to take up new sports and I look at obstacles as stepping stones towards my goals.  One of life's certainties is that nothing ever stays the same.  I believe that the only way to move forward is to change your perspective, see things in a different way.  I honestly believe it is up to the individual person to create a mindset that seeks solutions, that looks for opportunities rather than obstacles.  By doing this I have found excitement and hope instead of fear for the future.

If I had the chance to go back and change history, I wouldn't.  MS may have taken things away from me, but it has also given me a lot that I would have never experienced and those experiences have made me the person I am today.

Having MS has taught me some valuable lessons:
1. Nothing is impossible if you dare to face your fears and believe in yourself.
2. To love the journey and not the destination, because today is the only day you are guaranteed.
3. To live life as if it is a terminal illness, because if you do you will live it with the passion that it ought to be lived.
4. To see every difficulty as a challenge, a stepping stone and never be defeated by anything or anyone.

You know that first neurologist was so wrong on all counts except one...My life is over as I knew it...but not in a bad way.  Yes I deal with the symptoms of MS every day but I believe that great days are those that you make that way and the greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do!

This is why tomorrow I will raise a glass to my MS, celebrate and thank it for giving me the life I have.